Tricky question

[TheViking]

Ok let's say you did something really stupid. Something the Bible would say was down right sin. You did it once, regret it and asked God for forgivness. Let's say by doing this sin you sinned against someone else as well. Could be a recovered alcoholic who had a fallback behind the back of his loved ones, an ex druggie who just did one more shoot, or even being unfaithful. Seing now that the person did wrong regret it and asked God for forgivness does he or she need to tell the person they let down? Is sin something you do just against God and His will or do you sin against people as well.
We had a discussion about this today with some friends from church. The two main opinions were that if u repented and asked God for forgivness, you would not have to tell the person you let down, and that you should always tell. I would appreciate your opinions on this since I am doing a seminar on family conflicts in church next month

[reverbbb]

I hear a lot of discussion about being held accountable for your actions. God can certainly deal with you on His terms and in His own way. But we are all placed here on earth together. We have each other to help (or not help) us steer our behaviors. If we ask for forgivenes, then ideally they would forgive you if they were truly fulfilling God's will.

But we are all imperfect humans. When someone has wronged us, it is a very big challenge to forgive someone for their misdeeds. We become suspicious that they will do it again. Our trust and their intergrity has been breached.

Therefore, if the person you ask for forgiveness is being more human than God worthy, then you may be in for a real let down that they are not willing to patch things up and move on.

(sorry for mixing the first person & second person discussion - I hope that I did not make it too confusing)

The bottom line is, that I believe that it is your duty to ask the other person for forgiveness so that they can continue to hold you accountable. But don't expect it to work out perfectly.

[kewlpack]

Good thoughts Rev.

My rule of thumb (one that I have preached and taught for a long time):
One's repentance should be equally as broad and public as the effects of the offense/sin.

Each situation is unique and is surrounded by circumstance. Use a lot of prayer and godly discernment. We want to be accountable. We also want to be merciful ourselves. We want to avoid unnecessary scandal at the same time.

Be wise and pray for greater wisdom.

Ultimately have the mind of a servant, bound by the integrity and character of Christ.

Grace 2 U.
~A~

[ptrallan01]

This is one to be very careful with. When we confess to God and refrain from sin we have done right. Now comes the hard part and in Kewlpack's reply we have part of the answer. If the wrong you have done has injured someone and you must make amends do so. If the wrong you have done has not injured them don't injure them by telling them about it. This is a difficult decision to make. Coming cleaning confessing often makes us feel better and another person worse and may not bring things to a better point. This is part of what Reverbb covered. If you get a chance take a look at a good version of the 12 step programs. Step 6 or 7 says that we should make up for our bad behavior where ever we can except where to do so would cause more harm than good. This is really, really important. Somethings should be left unsaid under certain circumstances. Be very careful and even more prayerful about when to do this. It may be necessary to find a "confessor" some other person to discuss your sin with but it may not be the party who was wronged. Each situation is different and there are no one size fits all answers to this question.

As far as your class goes you can use the examples of Paul who simply started to do the right thing because some of the people he had wronged were dead (i.e. Stephen) and Zaccheus who said he would give back 4 times what he stole! Each brings up a different view of the issue and reminds us that we must seek God's instruction and leading on each one of these issues.

With love always your brother in Christ

Peter

[stephen]

I can see a couple of different levels here.

1) You and God. that one, is the ultimate relationship we will ever experience, and if we can not come totally, repentfully clean with Him, we really have no chance with others. I mean, God knows our hearts,and we aint gonna be able to pull a fast one on Him, anytime here, or in Eternity! He is the One, that is my Ultimate Accountability Check!

2) To those that are so blessed; our wives (Husbands for our sisters in the Lord). My wife, is also my best freind, and I tell here EVERYTHING. I do not keep anything as a secret from her (ok maybe a surpise, or a gift). She is my #2 Accountability Check.

3) Certain brothers, or sisters in the Lord, that you are receiving "discipleship" from. For example, My P&W Leader, and his wife, have been discipling me, and my wife, and it is an incredible relationship that we share. My life to them, is pretty much an open book, because there lives too me and my wife, is an open book. this has gone beyond being just brothers/sisters, they truly are, "closer than a brother/sister to us".

4) All others: if I have sinned against them, or my sin has or will injure them, I owe them an account of my actions, and I NEED to ask them for forgiveness. But, if I have not injured them, I think it should be Gods leading, not my guilty feelings, dictating "who" it is, I should be accountable too. There does have to be a little wisdom: If you air out to much of your dirty laundry, to too many 'folks', you could become the 'gossip-dujour', and be whispered about, everytime your back is turned. So just blurting out, "I keep going back to the _________, and I gotta ask for all of yours forgiveness, I really dont think is a form of "acountability", but a forced martyrdom, or a lack of wisdom. Yes, we need to be accountable to each other, but you just dont go and grab any brother and say, "Let me tell ya what I did wrong this week!" Yikes!

[kewlpack]

These posts should give you very good guidance.

Discretion + Wisdom + Tact = the right direction.

~A~

[TheViking]

.... I appreciate the views, ideas and thoughts. The kind of families we are working with are often fairly new to the faith. Some of the families have one christian spouse, the other one is not. Working with this kind of group we can't expect spiritual maturity or forgiving hearts. a lot of the people are already in defence positions and sometimes i even think that NOT confessing to your spouse would be the right thing for them because it would ruin what little there is. But pray with me for guidance from the Holy Spirit to work with this. I appreciate all your inputs.

[stephen]

That puts a little more context into the question!

Now you have another "option":

What may be a sin to a beleiver, may be nothing to a non-beleiver. And in this situation, the couple is unequally yoked. In this one, I would have to say, God's Wisdom has to prevail here: "IF", God is leading in the direction of His forgiveness, and getting right before Him is all that is needed, leave it be! But, if the leading is, you must get right before the non-beleiving spouse, by all means, do it!

I'd say a pretty good guideline is:

a) "I havent been the best spouse", leave it be, and be a better spouse.

b) "I've been unfaithful to my spouse", This one, in my opinion, has to be addressed, especially if the non-beleiving spouse is "suspicious" of some hanky-panky.

Now I would add the caveat, if it is a wife (the beleiver), that is now born-again, and there may be fear of physical violence, then it may be wise to leave it for now.

Also, it may be a good idea, if it was the beleiver,(while living his/her life in un-forgivness), that was unfaithful, I would suggest getting council from there pastor first, then together with the pastor, and possibly an elder to, go to the non-beleiving spouse, confess the sin, ask for forgiveness, and show to the injured spouse, that your life has changed since then, and this is not something you are going to repeat. The pastor being there, may give a sense of repentance, and brokeness, on behalf of the confessing spouse. It still may end in the marriage disolving, or it may begin to truly heal, and the non-beliving spouse may even accept Christ to: "Hey, she/he has changed so much, Jesus must truly be God!