"Two Girls (Kissing In The Corridor)" - Needs Musi

[Pearly Gator]

Over at this topic (http://guitaristsprais.forumsplace.com/message-1476-0-asc-0.html) I posted this lyric. It has garnered some praise from friends but needs more work. I made sure that the number of syllables matches so it will work within the framework of a melody. However, I'm stuck. I don't know if this will be best as a "Country" song, ballad or driving song along the lines of Rosanne Cash's "Seven Year Ache". Could someone help me out? I need a "shove".

PG

“Two Girls (Kissing In The Corridor)”
© January 27, 2006

Running to class after the bell
I turned the corner and almost fell
There was a couple caught in their embrace
What did I say with the look on my face
For two girls kissing in the corridor

Some battlefields are in our minds
In lonely people, in restless lives
Oh, so alone and desperate for love
God, give me grace to shine like Your Son
For two girls kissing in the corridor

Chorus
Jesus is hope for each hungry heart
Forgiving all sin, for He is The Lord
He gives the mercy to come as you are
For heaven holds much, much more
For two girls kissing in the corridor


Help for today, hope for tomorrow
Christ takes the hunger and the sorrow
He is the love we’re all longing for
He is holding out hope at the door
For two girls kissing in the corridor

Another Verse
Repeat chorus
End

[Barry]

I think it would depend on your target audience. If that audience is teens, perhaps a driving rock style, like a ballad, might be in order. It might also be good as a quiet acoustic piece. Or maybe both. How about this: Start acoustic, build into something louder, then close it off with just an acoustic, and/or maybe a piano, somewhere in the final chorus.

The lyrics do need more work, though. Whose perspective are you telling this from, another student or a teacher? That doesn't seem clear in the first verse. I think it should be.

[Stratman]

I agree that it certainly has potential. I have not seen your additional verse, so I am not sure how you will end this. Will there be a verse mentioning the nature of their relationship being contrary to the word of God and somehow tie it in to God's redemptive grace allowing them to change?
I would also be curious as to not only the age range of the prospective target audience, but your age as well (don't need exact figure). At times performing can be like lecturing to a class. The one speaking or in this case singing should have something in common with the audience.
If I am 10 and singing to adults about 2 girls kissing in the corridor, it may not have the intended effect. If I am 46 singing to 6 year olds on the same subject, again. So I was just curious.
The reason for the first question is that we have a "mega-church" not far from here that has allowed homosexuals in their congregation because "what better place for them to be". HOWEVER, they are not being told that their relationship is contrary to God's word.
I look forward to seeing the rest of the lyrics.
Dave :-)

[Jaybo]

we have a "mega-church" not far from here that has allowed homosexuals in their congregation because "what better place for them to be".

Next thing you know - they'll let hypocrites, and gossips into churches!! :mrgreen:


I do like the lyrics. I don't know if corridor can be changed, or if it fits. To me lyrics are always secondary to the guitar solo. :lol:

Actually, I've always thought lyrics can fit any progression, or riff.

I would LOVE to hear some posters throw a few chords out for this song, and see what can fit.

[Stratman]

Jaybo,
You missed the point that IF both they and we are NOT hearing about the sinfulness of our lifestyles and how following Christ can change that, then something ain't as it should be. Scripture is clear on the responsibility of those in the position of teacher/pastor. Scripture says they will "enjoy" a "special" time with God to answer for what they have taught.
If I as your pastor or teacher am aware of you being in an adulterous relationship, being gay, being an alcoholic, spreading malicious gossip, etc., and I am not letting you know that your behavior is antithetical to the teachings of God, then I have failed not only YOU but God, most importantly. Scripture says God WILL deal with me accordingly. THAT was the point that part of what I was writing. :|